ADHD Boy Mum

Convincing yourself to go for it is the hardest part of the battle, believe me!

I had been questioning my neurodivergence since 2021, I don’t think lockdown had helped me with my symptoms as I had become glued to social media and I couldn’t go outside as much as I would have liked. Seeing people (especially women) on social media come forward about their symptoms and experiences made me wonder if I was the same as them. I finally felt like there was someone out there who I could relate to, after 23 years of not fitting in with anyone.

Yes, I do absolutely believe that motherhood brought all of my symptoms (even the bad ones) to the surface, and after speaking with someone who got diagnosed and was on treatment, I decided I couldn’t live this way anymore. I needed answers, and I just needed the noise in my head to stop.

I was told about a service called Right To Choose, which is technically still through the NHS but they have a whole list of partner companies who provide diagnoses or treatment, or both. The wait list was much shorter for an assessment and it would be easier to start a titration regime. And best of all, it was FREEEEEEE! With Right To Choose, I found a provider called CareADHD; I filled out the pre-assessment paperwork online, asking loved ones to help me out with some of the forms, and returned the completed paperwork at the start of November. It was a difficult process for me on more of a personal level than a practical one – am I wasting my time? What if they tell me I don’t have ADHD, and I end up back on square one? Is this going to be something I’ll have to financially recover from? If I have it, will my child have it too? Would it make others think differently of me?

I received a call on New Years Eve asking when I would be free to have an assessment. I was shocked, nervous, but mostly excited! It was so fast for them to process my pre-assessment forms and contact me to book me in!

I had my assessment on January 2nd, which was a 60 minute video call with a psychologist from CareADHD. She asked me some questions about my home life in childhood, about hyperactivity, impulsivity, relationships with others, etc. She asked me what my main goal was from the assessment, I told her, “I want the noise in my head to stop, I want to be a more present partner, and a more attentive mum.” She told me that I had combined ADHD, and that she would send me some information in regards to treatment that I would have to respond to once I had taken time to think about my options.

The call had ended and I cried. The final puzzle piece had fallen into place and I felt complete, like I could see myself as a whole for the first time in my life. I took some time to consider the treatment options and I decided to opt for medication rather than therapy, sent the titration request form, bringing us to the here and now. The waiting list in January was estimated between 12 and 16 weeks, so now… I wait.

But I can’t wait… I can’t wait for the internal bombardment to stop, I can’t wait to set my mind to something and actually see it through from start to finish, I can’t wait to feel relaxed in my own home and body.

Like I said, asking for help is the hardest part. But take it from me, Dearest Reader, it’s worth it. Swallow the pride and take the first step, take someone’s outstretched hand, say those three little words that could change your life: I need help.