ADHD Boy Mum

In my latest post, I mentioned the “spoon repository” used to explain energy expenditure in individuals with ADHD, and I wanted to talk about this in more detail.

When we wake up in the morning, our brain gives us an amount of spoons which can change every day, affecting our productivity for the whole day. Let’s say for example, one day you wake up and your brain gives you 26 spoons. Showering costs you 2, brushing your teeth takes 1, drinking a cup of coffee might give you an extra 2 (go you!), the commute to work (ugh) around 4 spoons, 5 to 6 if you drive. Then you have your whole work day, but you manage to get home with 4 spoons remaining, so you make your dinner which would cost you 2, then small household tasks can be prioritised to take up your remaining 2 spoons. You can now relax until you go to bed. Hooray!

Now imagine, you wake up the next morning and your brain only gives you 7 spoons. The shower looks more daunting, brushing your teeth is more habit than task but it still requires a spoon. You have ADHD, so that coffee isn’t replenishing your repository, then by mid-afternoon you’re completely spent. You check out on your commute back home, you order food because you can’t cook, the small jobs around the house are ignored. You go to bed hoping for more spoons tomorrow.

I saw a post on Facebook this week explaining something called the “Penguin Theory”, saying that “your brain is not a human, it’s a penguin.” Penguins do not respond to logic, plans or shame. They respond to tone, repetition, and safety. When you tell yourself “Get it together” or “Why are you like this?”, the penguin hears danger and freezes, runs, or sabotages. Picture two people, same task. One says: “You’re lazy, just start.” The other says: “We’ll do 3 minutes, then we’re safe.” The second finishes the task. Not because of discipline, but because the penguin felt protected. ADHD isn’t lack of willpower. It’s a nervous system that doesn’t feel safe enough to engage.
The rule is simple: never speak to yourself in a voice you wouldn’t use with a scared animal. You don’t yell at a penguin to swim faster. You guide it into the water. Replace “I must” with “Let’s try.” Replace “I failed” with “We’re still alive.” Productivity follows safety, not pressure. Not from hacks, but from removing internal threat. The brain unlocks once the penguin stops panicking.
Your brain works for you only after it trusts you. If your self-talk feels harsh, your brain will resist you all day. Talk like a calm guide, not a judge. Train the penguin and it will carry you further than force ever could. I will continue to remind you to be gentle with yourself, Dear Reader, because each day is different and carries many things we cannot control.