ADHD Boy Mum

Would you believe me if I told you that people with ADHD actually have a superpower? Yeah, it’s true. People with ADHD have the power of shape shifting…

Yes, most of the time masking helps to subdue the symptoms of ADHD to within socially acceptable levels, for example in a job interview, one may mask to fidget less as they know this can show nerves. They may also mask to hide or reduce the hyperactivity, while those with the inattentive presentation may mask by being the one to start conversation or make jokes – sounds like me! We mask overstimulation in the workplace by taking a toilet break or smoke break, if the employer allows. You know when someone is talking to you and your brain lags behind like Internet Explorer and so you just mirror their expression to look like you know what’s going on? You’re masking. Women with ADHD often blame their hormones when they get frustrated or anxious, this is masking too. We might seem organised on the outside, but really we live in chaos.

But people with ADHD can become completely different people depending on who they interact with. They build a whole personality based on their peers, both individuals and groups, so that they may behave in accordance with acceptable social norms by mimicking neurotypical behaviour. They become someone new every time they talk to someone new – their empathetic nature makes this a breeze, but it can also make us wary of some people, sometimes rightfully so. The personalities that we create for other people are carefully curated brick by brick, changing our body language, the slang we use, our accent, even the tone of our laugh. Pretty interesting, right? If you’re into Pokemon, think of us as the Ditto of the human race!

Now let’s take a second to imagine and appreciate how absolutely exhausting that is. To change literally everything about yourself as a person for every person you communicate with in a day, all while hiding who you are. Masking can cause us to have low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, shame, burn out. It can also hinder our chances of diagnosis as masking makes us under-play our symptoms. We can feel a sense of imposter syndrome, or become perfectionists. All of this can intensify Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, making us feel like we’re not enough and worried we will be criticised if our “mask” slips.

So how do we know when we’re not masking? When we feel truly and safely ourselves without having to hide our symptoms. If you live with a person you can feel that relaxed with, you’ve won at life. You will still feel all of the negative things about your disorder, but accepting these symptoms as part of your disorder and understanding how they affect your life, even accepting that this is part of your identity and not a flaw – these things will help you identify that you’re not masking your ADHD.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again until I’m blue in the face: be kind to yourself, Dear Reader. Your masks are a coping strategy, they protect you, and that’s completely okay. But it can become unhealthy as they can lead to negative feelings built up internally, which will be more difficult to face.

ADHD Masking: Examples, Impact, and Coping
ADHD Masking: Pretending to Be Neurotypical Is Unhealthy
Are you ADHD masking? Here’s how to tell | Psychologies